The Big "F" Word

Today was a day.
The Lord tested me, he really tested me, and I passed.
I didn't kill anyone, I didn't yell at anyone, but I learned.

In life I have come to find that there are lessons that can only be learned through good, old-fashioned experience.
Filing your taxes, registering to vote, renting an apartment, buying a car...all things that, through time, are engraved into your memory, thus easily attainable.

Feminism.

Being naturally born with a uterus, one would assume that feminism would be an inevitable truth for my life. Wrong.
I am a human, (a female human, nonetheless) that has struggled to understand the impact of gender inequality my entire life. I grew up in a home that celebrated traditional values--, (which I am utterly grateful for) woman must adhere to "womanly" duties, while it is the man's job to provide for the family. While I had a mother who was able to maintain both work and a beautiful home, those values were still prevalent.

Today was a day.

I was mad today, really, really mad today. I had to face the unavoidable in Monterey County, I had to take my beautiful little white wagon in for a smog check. I was nervous, but the nerves weren't from fear of passing, they were from knowing that from the minute I walked through the doors, my new, 80 pound less, curvy frame was checked out from head to toe by the young man at the counter. I filled out appropriate paperwork, I remained professional, I sat, and I waited--just like the man next to me did.

"Ford Focus, 2003, you're car is done, and unfortunately we had to fail you."

What?

"Yeah, one of your hoses isn't up to par visually, but we put some whiteout on it so you can figure it out. Your total is going to be $50.00,, but I mean, come back and see us and we will give you $10.00 dollars off of your next test." aw, very sweet, I like totallllllly love whiteout, it's bright and shiny.

So, I drove around for twenty minutes, trying to map out a game plan of what I was going to do. I am an intelligent woman, right? I've lived on my own for two years and I haven't messed anything up terribly, right? I mean, there have been times that have been rough, but I can figure this out...right? These are the questions running through my perfectly made up face as I drive around town with not the slightest idea what I am going.

I do the most logical thing, I take my car to a "Smog Repair" shop. smart...right?
The most sweet, and gentle man, (he clearly had daughters) helped me, listened to me, cared. He told me the part that I needed to get, shook his head while telling me repeatedly that I should not have failed smog, (I failed the visual portion) and told me that he would do whatever I needed done for free. wow, this is like soooo much better than whiteout, omg

So, I got it taken care of. I fixed what needed to be done. Not because I am a woman, and not because I know a lot about cars, but because I have my shit together.

I was calm.

I went in again, to have my smog checked....again. This time I wasn't nice, I wasn't sweet, I wasn't the bright vibrant young woman that I usually am. I was assertive and I handled my business by telling them they were wrong to fail me in the first place, and not a single time did they defend their judgment call. I was checked out again, by the whole crew this time.
aw I am like totally flattered, they must really be into me

I passed. It was no surprise, someone surely would have died had I failed again.

"Yeah, you failed again. *Hahaha* I'm just kidding, that'll be $42.00"

Ha. Ha. Ha.

This morning before I left my apartment, I made the conscious decision to take my contacts out and put my glasses back on so that I would "appear" more intelligent.
This morning, I memorized everything I needed to know about my car to ensure a smooth transaction.
This morning, I changed my outfit so my butt wouldn't look to big and "distracting" in a pair of pants.

Then I thought.
I thought about what that experience would have been like if I were a man. I probably would have been able to pass the first time I went in, I surely would not have been checked out nor would I have felt so belittled.
I thought about what that experience would have been like if there was even one female employee present, she surely would not have thought that I was unintelligent for being a woman, nor would she allow me to get ripped off.
I thought about things, and that, not "failing" smog, that made me mad.

I'm not preaching feminism.
I'm not saying all men are chauvinistic pigs.

Because, frankly--they're not.
Am I a feminist? I don't know yet. but I am an advocate for woman.

I am saying, that today I was treated differently because I have a uterus.
I am saying, that now, today, for the very first time in my life I understand the fight towards gender equality.
It matters, it really matters.


I fought to be where I am. I have gone over hurdles. I have worked hard to obtain an education from a state school. I have literally worked my ass off to get healthy. I have built meaningful relationships and connections with people. I have mapped out what my future is going to look like.

Just like the guys next to me.

So, I'll end with this:
What the actual Fuck?



Feminism.