What the Hell

Wow.
What a start to my LAST year of high school. For those who know me closely-or not so closely, it has been announced that my parents filed for divorce on my first day of Senior year. Needless to say, my year has been unfathomably awful. With falling outs with several friends, bitterness growing and life that seems to never give me a break-I am SO. TIRED. Physically, mentally emotionally. Yes, my life indeed, SUCKS. However, through the eyes of God's unceasing mercy, I have become more conscious of things in life that 1) Don't matter and 2) DO matter.

In retrospect, I have been blessed abundantly. The first blessing being that my mom and I were able to find a home that is the ideal place to heal. I see my father frequently-(just to clear that up!) 

Our new view, and place of healing.

 My employment at Sweetie Pie's has been both a blessing and massive learning experience. How so-you may ask. Let me tell you, nothing can undermine the wrath of hungry people that have to wait an hour to be seated at the busiest restaurant in town. It's great food-what can I say? At the same time, God is working in the hearts and minds of near all the employees of Sweetie Pie's. He sure works in mysterious ways. Have I mentioned I am exhausted?

I have felt little support from relationships that I had huge hope in and have felt myself extremely disappointed. While at the same time, I have met people this year that I feel will stay in my life if not for a short while. I am barely hanging on knowing that at one point all the things that I did that I feel emotionless for now are what made me happy then. So, what matters in life? Because at one instance I want to say that how I am feeling and how everything negative occurring in my life actually matters-but it doesn't.

These my friends are what I would like to label as 'First World Problems'. If you don't have at least ten of these in your life-it's okay, feel free to lie to yourself. My heart hurts and it is extremely heavy. I have an unfathomable sadness that is eating me away every.single.day. But I was granted the grace to wake up this morning. Even though at times Heaven sounds like an extraordinary escape route-I know that there is a reason I am here. To accomplish heroic deeds? Feed starving children around the globe? Or just a passer by in God's plan to spread is abiding love. Who.Really.Knows.




I have gained so much weight from emotional eating that I eat to suppress my feelings of sadness about it-where is the logic? My ONLY saving grace-health wise, is my running. Did I mention that I a running a full marathon in December? The California International Marathon-good golly, what have I done? This is a positive in my life and I praise JESUS for giving me a healthy body to run in. I also, by the grace of dear family friends, am participating in the Nike Women's Half Marathon-cool! The half is not too far off-October 20th. What an incredible blessing.

My eating is all over the place-some days you may think I am a health guru, other days the face of obesity. Lately, I have been on a (modified-ahh!) Paleo kick. Ground turkey, fresh veggies and spring water is what you will catch me with for lunch. Special K is my GO TO for breakfast-it said I could lose 2 pounds in two weeks. I guess that only works if you don't eat the entire box in one sitting-oops!! Summer is coming to and end and let me tell you-I am going to really, really miss fresh, organic tomatoes and sweet nectarines. (yum!) But really, my "healthy/active lifestyle" is enough to make me cry right now. I will keep you posted.

Cooper on one of our 6-milers

My Cooper Bentley, (my daring and sweet coon-hound fur-child) is so fun-SO massive, but so fun. 70.5 lbs...what happened to my little guy? He is really, truly my saving grace. I believe he is an angel sent directly from God himself just to let me know that not all things in life suck. Coop is one of my many blessings.

I just recently had Senior Portraits done by a dear friend of mine-Sarah Cain of Heracain Productions. She is nothing short of brilliant, if you have a wedding, engagement, graduation, pregnancy, bar mitzvah-WHATEVER,
call Sarah. She is wonderful.

We're going to be OK kids! No worries. But seriously, what the hell.

God Bless-
Jessica